11th day

Woaa!! This is awesome..! ak berjaya bertahan ntuk x msg die slama 11 hari..ok2, mari pertahankn rekod ni..  (x lama lg bole giler ak ni..)

Still Struggling..26/10/10 - 1656hrs

Smalam dia msg.ak x reply.ak tkut ntuk berharap lagi.sbenarnya, ak da x nk tulis apa2 yg berkaitn dgn dia sbb ak takut nnti ak tingtkn die lg..ari ni ari ke 7 ak x contact die.ak bz kan diri ak, msg blk ngn ex ak, mlepak ngn kwn, tgok tv, tdo.etc. even mandi pon, ak mndi slow2 sbb nk krgkn ms ntuk pk psl die.


ini gila.stupid.ridiculous.


i should stop.i should be in control.


skang otak ak da x skt cm dlu, tp ntuk trs lupa die bkn kerja mudah. pg2 wktu amek wuduk, otak ak otomatik terpikir dlu psl die. apa2pon, ade hikmah d sblk ni..ak da start bc quran blk n g surau.sbb 
dgn wat cmtu, ak dpt krgkn pk psl die n ati ak tenang. Ya Allah, bimbing ak. ampunkn sgala khilafku.ku pinta someone yg dpt membimbingku.. (ee..cam geli plak ayt ni..)  i lost hope in love.

life is too short to be unhappy (211010 - 1251 hrs)

mcm yg korng tau, ak tgh struggle ntuk lupakan bnda yg xbez dlm idop ak n cb ntuk x pk. so, ari ni ak nk blk kg. da 5 hari ak kt umah mmbe ak.life is not so good. no news bout my intrvw. (ak assume x dpt), mf gf yg ak syg confuse ngn prasaan dia sndri. i wish i've reset button at my head. (tb2 tingat himym). so, otw nk g stesen bas, ak nek 2 bas rapidkl.kedua2 driver bas yg ak jmpa, dua2 sporting n happy go lucky..n its somehow made my day..today is d 3rd day her n me keep silent.i hope in my next entry, i already stop thinking bout her. like one of my philippine fren said, life is too short to be unhappy.thanx chim.. 




n chim is her name....

Think iM suffer enough? No im not.others suffer more than me.

sorng kwn cite kat ak psl kwn die.umo skang 38. ak tnye die apsl x kwin2 g. kwn ak ckp sbb dlu msa da plan nk kawen, awek die buat hal.so, pas2 die mcm mls nk lyn da..die mls nk kwin awl, die ckp nk relax2 jap dlu. tp smpai skang, die still x kwin2 sbb die da xde rs 2..hurm, efek smpai cmtu skali kan...dhsyat2..hope i'll not be like him juz bcoz a stupid immature girl. im gonna be ok. =) believe!

Lets Moving ON! 201010-1658HRS

Today, I didnt contact her. n so did she. (of coz la kn..) . now that i know the exact thing , i kinda losing hope to struggle to win her bcoz i know she still cant forget her ex. 


Besides, I dont feel betrayed anymore bcoz she explain everyhting. I think i can accept if she going back to her ex. But, I do miss her. My motivation 2 accept the fate is by thinking bad about her. Among the things that keep me strong r:
1.she hve slept with me.so, poor her ex.just get my leftover.
2.dia jauh.ssh nk jmpa.
3.she is not calon isteri yg seswai.ak nk cri yg baik. (tp mcm la ak baik sgt.org ckp pompuan yg baik ntuk laki yg baik..) ops... =P
4.etc blblablabalabla...


ntahla, kalo ikut otak ak, mmg ak rs ak xnk die jd wife ak sbb die sensitif, panas baran gak n penipu. BUT, i just cant simply forget her. =(


No matter what, whatever happen, ada hikmah di sebaliknya kan?  n ak bole anggap ni sbagai 1 pengalaman ntuk ak so pasni ak lg berhati2...haha..ak ckp ni mcm ak da clash plak.adoi..


ari ni slh sorng bestfren ak call, da lama kami x ckp.n ak cita psl bnda ni kt die.ak ckp pe yg ak wat, pe yg gf ak wat.then, dlm byk2 yg dia komen, 1 yg mnrk perhatian ak, die ckp " ko btol2 siyes ngn die kan? " 


owhh ya! y? y? sblom ni ak pernh couple gak tp ak xde la smpai mcm ni.so, it make me do the thinking again. ak jd siyes ni sbb ak btol2 syg die @taupun sbb skang ni ak jobless, xde watpe n satu2nya bnda yg ak bole wat is pikir psl die?? hurmm...make sense jgk tu...


so, ak kn start siyes cri keje.da ade keje g benti plak sblom ni.adoi! nyesal2!


n lg satu, ak fikir psl karma jgk, sblom2 ni kat exes ak, ak x jaga ati dorng, so, mybe ak patut kena cmni kot..tp at least, ak x tipu dorng,ak trs je ckp ak x nk..hurmm..whateva, mmg slh ak pon.gotta admit it.


yg ironinya, start bnda yg x best ni jd, kebetulan ex ak contact ak blk n cite psl mslh die ngn bf die skang. haha..kalo ikut ati ak, nk je ak layan blk ex ak ntuk lupekn sume ni.tp ak kcian kt bf die plak.mesti die rs damn mcm yg ak rsa skang kalo die tau gf die contact ex die blk.


n bila jd cmni, bru la ak tingat nk berdoa kat Allah blk..typical manusia..bila ssh igt Tuhan, bila senang, x igt pe. 

Thats all I need to Hear from U..

Last nite, we finally do the talking. (after 48 hours she said that she want to talk to me, but finally Im the one that makes the call. fuck u my gf! )


She told me everything, n finally I think she said the truth.1st 20 minute, i release my 2 weeks anger to her. I cant stand it anymore . Im exploded like mini C4. I said what I want n I asked her everything I need to know. so, how r we now?


I dont know, she said she still remember her ex, n at d same time she felt guilty to me. Ex die still call. N yg ak x bole trima, dia pick up call tu.dia layan!


Dia ckp, dia rasa ksian kat ex die. ak ckp, at least jujur la ngn ak.ni x, die just senyap.die ckp dia da mls mo layan dua2 org.n dia takut ak marah kalo dia gtau suma bnda tu kat ak. hey u, plz la.im rational ok.apa yg kmu wat, salah ke x salah ke, as long ada explanation n justification, ak bole trima ok? mcm la sblom ni ak marah2 dia.


mlm tu, dia mntk maaf.so, ending? our phone call ended with i run out of credit.shit!


so, ak pon xtau apa solution skang ni? dia baik.dia x nk kecikkn ati ak.n sbb dia baik jgk dia rsa kesian kat ex dia.mmg la ssh mo lupa ex, ak bole fhm tu.tp ex dia tu da history ok.


so, my part? i dont know.now i dont have the mood to text her. Im tired of protecting someone n get hurt. I'll just leave it to fate. I told her, the only thing that our relationship can be ended is by U, asking me to break up. I'll definitely not breaking up with U.


But my heart hurt, so, what do I do? I'll find someone to forget about my hurt. Im sorry. if I found someone n start loving her, Im sorry if I have to leave U.bcoz U, just care about urself only.pretending not to hurt me but the truth is, u stab me real deep. A relationship works by both side.not me only!


I dont know y i still love her. In my pray, " Ya Allah kalo btol a**** x loyal ngn ak, bagila ak cepat2 lupakan dia.."


reader plz..need ur help..

Keep Holding On.. (181010-2300hrs)

Last 2 days, I text her. asking y she behaving like this.n like I expect, she just replies "ntah..sbb skang ni x byk masa..busy.."


I know she is hiding somthing..


Then, to make everything clear, I told her how I feel. Of course I feel like I was betrayed because all this thing happen when her ex bf contact her back. I was lied 3 times, Big lies! But she said she dont want to tell me because dont want me to get mad.


 I tell u what, if u want to be a liar, make sure u r very good! dont get caught..u think im stupid? I know that u r lying. even da kena tipu 3 kali pon, sy still pcaya yg kmu wat tu sbb mmg x nk bg sy mrh..sbb sy yakin yg kmu baik..tp suma sign yg kamu bg nmpk mcm apa yg sy fikir tu silap...


ok, back to the topic, then, I text her..somthing like this..

ssh la cmni, tiap kali nk dptkn explanation dr kmu, kmu snyap.cmni la, sy xmo kmu tipu sy, klo kmu ada apa2 mo ckp, better kmu ckp skang.sy bole trima. kalo kmu trs snyap ja, sy assume kmu siyes dgn sy. tp, kalo sy dpt tau yg kmu tipu or juz main2kn sy,sy pon bole jd jht jgk..sory sbb teremo,kita ni jauh, ckp ja yg bole settlekan prob, senyap x bole settle apa2..

Like one of my friends said, skali org wat cibai ngn ak, 10x ak balas...haha..thanx man..

After she received that msg, 2 hours later, she text me, said:

sbnrnya, sy sndri xfhm apa keadaan sy.sy x tpu kmu.sumpah.tidak.tp sy yg x fhm dgn keadaan sy skng.

I ignore her. Im tired of waiting her replied again.


Esoknya, dia ckp dia nk brckp dgn ak. ak ckp ok, tp bukan skang sbb ak ade hal. then, bl ak da settle hal ak, ak msg dia.dia x reply.ak call.dia x pick up.ok fine.mybe dia tdo.mlm tu ak tnya dia, r we going to talk? dia ckp ya, tp skejap sbb dia ada keja.kebetulan ak ada futsal, so ak ckp ok, lewat skit la cmtu.tp smpai kol 1 ak tggu, dia x call...rasa cam fuck kan??


esoknya lg, still got nothing from her.dlm kol 8 mcm tu pon xde ape2 msg dr dia.n ak rs geram sgt..n ak tulis msg2 ni..


1st msg:   

Haish, sshnya bf n gf mo ckp.U, i cant stand this situation anymore, when i think there is hope, its suddenly vanished. When I try to not to think of u, u text me n mke me thinking bout us again n i try my best 2 mke sure we can settle this. I replied to ur text.i was there when i think u r waiting 4 my msg.but, at last, im the one that feel like a fool waiting 4 ur text. keep checking my hp.d sign u gve me, i  dont like it.i hate this situation happen again n again. n i dont want 2 start hating u.mybe i should try 2 do like u did.take a time off."jgn beria2".hope otak kmu rgn pasni n goodluck in xm.

tp ak x hntr pon msg tu, ak simpan ja sbb ak takut dia trasa.

sejam pastu..2nd msg:

U, i hve my limit. u do whatever u want.just dont blame me when i do somthing bad coz im losing my patience now.its not that i dont even try to fix this thing ok.

n ak smpn jgk msg tu..ak x nk dia rs mcm ak ugut dia.pastu ak msg dia tnya tgh wtpe.. then smpai la mlm, kol 12 cmtu, ak call dia.msuk call waiting.dia bergayut ngn kwn dia.pastu bru la ak bole brckp ngn dia.finally.check out what happen next.

 

Im about to change..(171010-2359hrs)

The only thing that stop me from doing bad thing to u is bcoz i still love u and i still believe that u still love me. But from day to day, my believe decrease. The way u treated me, Im as ur bf supposed to get better.


U just wait till I completely lose my patience, u'll know d dark side of me soon enough if u still behaving like this.

Relationship Based On About 5 Short Messages Everyday? (171010-2200hrs)

Its been about 2 weeks since me n my gf get in touch just by short messages everyday. Its not that we cant afford d cost 2 call or to skype. But I think she cant afford to express her feeling to me anymore. She said, "xnk beria2".


I can understand that, but how come 2 people in love just being conncted by short messages?
No FB
No Call
No Extra messages...


is it enough to express love to each other? we r in a long distance relationship, i really hope u can show a little bit effort. bcoz im putting too much effort here n im losing my patience bit by bit..for now, i'll just go with the flow..

Remember the idea, not the man. 191010-1655hrs

 We are told to remember the idea, not the man, because a man can fail. He can be caught, he can be killed and forgotten, but 400 years later, an idea can still change the world. I've witnessed first hand the power of ideas, I've seen people kill in the name of them, and die defending them... but you cannot kiss an idea, cannot touch it, or hold it... ideas do not bleed, they do not feel pain, they do not love... And it is not an idea that I miss, it is a man... A man that made me remember the Fifth of November. A man that I will never forget. 

                                                                                                                  V for Vendetta

I totally agree with the idea above...and it is not her idea that I miss, it is her...A cute sensitive girl that made me remember every day in calendar. A girl that I will never forget. But Im trying to.

Waiting Sucks (161010-0730hrs)

Haish, lama plak mmbe  ak ni nk smpai..now kt pudu, tggu mmbe dtg amek..xtau nk wtpe, blog jap.. (wlopon bila da post entry ni da terlambat berhari2..)


I hate waiting..especially when i dont know d exact time d exact people will arrive.at least, gimme an ETA (Estimated Time Arrival - widely used in action/military based movie) la..


BUT, in this case, since im the one that need my fren help, i'll jus remain silent n let my anger feeling waving under my smiley n calmey face..


BUT one thing for sure, if someone waiting for me, i'll keep them update so that they know my progress n dont have to feel what I feel now!!!

How In the Hell?? (141010-0136hrs)

How in the hell to accessorized my blog?
How to install feedjit? or visitor tracker ? or blablabla yg seangkatan dengannya??
How to count how many people visit my blog???


ok, im seriously need "Blog For Dummies" book..

Got Call 4 interview! (131010-1655hrs)

wuhuu!! td tdo,pastu ada call dr syarikat cempaka sdn bhd pe ntah suh dtg interview kt kl.ari isnin ni (181010) kol 2.30 ptg ..ntah knapa, ak rs cam best plak.mybe sbb ni chance ak ntuk dpt kerja blk kot..owh, rindunya zaman kerja.. (actually, rindu zaman ada duit..hehe) anyway, people, wish me goodluck aih? 

Im fucked up! (121010-2007hrs)

Bru pas smyg mghrib, n ak rs mcm half emotional plak.everyhting started like this.
4.30pm - msg "her"
5.00pm - msg deliverd n she replied (2 times, msg yg sama).ak x trs reply.ak hold dulu dlm 30 mnt.
5.30pm - ak reply n smpai skang msg tu x delivered2 lg! fuck2!!!


so, skng ni ak rs mcm nk cek plak phone dia ngn mmbe customer service ak.bpa byk yg dia msg ari2.sape yg die msg.tp ak takut ak get hurt!!


she said she loves me but y she treat me like this?? hurm...player! rite?? player is the rite answer.


so, now i decide to not msg her unless she text me 1st.haha


sshnya prasaan ni.byk bnda yg ak pk.
1. rs nk trs trg n nk clash je - (tp ak takut kalo dia mmg da brubah, x nk msg beria2 tp still suka ak tp bila ak da ckp cmtu dia kcewa n trima clash tu.pastu ak yg nyesal! )
2.  ak rs nk permain dia.layan je pe die wat.ak bukan rugi pape pon.msg skit je pon. (tp bila ak lyn cmtu, ak rs mcm dia suka ak,n bila ak rs cmtu, ak jdi paranoid balik).




papepon, ak da dcide amek decision ke2, n dlm msa yg sama cri awek baru.bila ak da suka awek tu, bru la ak bole clash ngn dia,at least ak da x rs sedey.kan? kann? people.help me! need couple advise!


anyway, im going out for badminton later!!! God, i love badminton! n How I met Your Mother n her.hahaha


c ya!

How I met Your Mother website (111010-1633hrs)

Pernah tgok How I met Your Mother (HIMYM) ? kalo pernah, prasan x pasal dorng ada ckp website2 yg dorng wat dlm cita tu? mesti korng rs dorng main2 kan? but the truth is, website tu memang ada!! gila kentang lah depa ni!


ok2, mesti bg prove kan?


cuba usya website2 ni..huhu...its fun! 


http://tedmosbyisajerk.com/
http://lilyandmarshallselltheirstuff.com/
http://www.barneysvideoresume.com/

n lain2 lagi ...mls plak nk masukkn dlm ni..haha...well, have fun!

Tarak internet kat umah..uwaa.. (111010-1623hrs)

OK, kalo korng prasan, sbelah tajuk entry ak, ada tarikh n masa kan? haha..actually, tu la masa ak tulis entry ni yg sbenar2nya. sebab??? sbb umah ak xde internet, so, ak tulis dlu apa yg ak rs nk tulis, pastu save dlm notepad.then bila ada internet access, bru la ak post? kcian kan? 


haaa, lg 1 ak rs berminat nk tulis blog sbb ak tgok cita how i met your mother kot..nk tiru barney! haha.."Im awesome! =P" 


tp sbb btol2 ak tulis blog is sbb ad benda yg x best jd dlm idop ak.ak xtau apa sbenarnya relationship ak ngn gf ak.we still couple.but kami sgt jrg contact.dia ckp x nk beria2..hurm sedey..sbb tu la ak nk kn luah kat someone n blog is the right medium to explode my feeling! yeyeah!!  n plus, ak skang menganggur, xdak keje.sbb tu ak ada byk masa free ntuk tulis benda ni.kalo x tulis, otak ak asyik igt die je.n pastu rs  x best sbbb dia bknnye igt ak pon..


poor me.ok bubye

Tiba2 Bersemangat.. (111010-1615hrs)

Bru lps smyg asar, n tiba2 masa smyg, ak asyik pikir psal nk blog..ntah knapa..haha..(mybe setan kacau tu kn..)


OK, so hari ni ak start blog.actually, I hate blog bcoz I cant express every little detail of my thought bcoz Im worry if the reader will get hurt ( if they are my friend, n they know i talk bad about them : like sapa makan cili, trasa la pedasnya..haha)..


then i was thinking that if im being anonymous, no one will get hurt...so, all my objectives will be achieved. 


my objectives:
1.blog psl hidop ak, n nk org komen or bg pendapat/pandangan/blablbalababla..
2.tp x nk org tau sape ak.haha..


actually, byk mo tulis, tp one thing i learn about blog, u better write a short entry unless ur content n words are very interesting.so, disebabkan ak rasa ak pnya entry ni x best mana pon, better ak benti stakat ni.nnti ak post entry lg.huhu...


kpd sesapa yg follow ak sbb kcian or sbb nk return budi baik ak follow blog dia, time ksih banyak2 eh.. inni sirriyyes.. (wonderpets, 2009) haha..